If Everyone Likes Your Decisions: Are You Really Leading?
Nov 07, 2026
I was 31 years old when I learned one of the most important lessons of my leadership career.
My boss at PBS39 in Pennsylvania pulled me aside and told me something I didn't particularly want to hear: "Leadership isn't a popularity contest."
I was leading the production department, and I desperately wanted my team to like me. I was young, ambitious, full of ideas, and convinced we could do so much more and thought everybody would just want to follow my lead if I was nice. The problem? The team I inherited was considerably older than I was, comfortable with the way things had always been done, and had absolutely no interest in my big ideas.
But I hadn't been brought in to make everyone happy. That wasn’t in my job description and that’s not leadership. I'd been brought in to make the department more effective and impactful. That’s how you earn your paycheck. Back then that meant making some tough decisions. Shows needed to be eliminated. Standards needed to improve. Expectations needed to change.
Let's just say I wasn't winning any popularity contests which really was hard for me to process at the time. But once I saw the results of actual leadership, I was hooked.
I learned the hard way that my boss was right. There were times when doing what was best for the department meant disappointing people, having difficult conversations, and making decisions that weren't going to earn me any friends.
Here's something every leader needs to understand: You're not at work to collect friends. You're there to lead people toward a common goal. That doesn't mean you have to be cold, distant, or unapproachable. In fact, building genuine relationships with your team is one of the most important parts of leadership. But there's a difference between having a good relationship with someone and needing that person to like every decision you make.
When the desire to be liked starts driving your decisions, your leadership suffers. You hesitate to address poor performance. You let negative behavior slide because you don't want to upset anyone and you avoid holding people accountable. That's not being a good friend. That's failing to lead.
Your responsibility is to create an environment where people feel respected, supported, challenged, and accountable. Sometimes that means making decisions people won't like. Sometimes it means telling someone they're not meeting expectations. And sometimes it means reminding your team that individual preferences must take a back seat to the direction and goals of the organization.
You can care deeply about your people without needing their approval. You can build trust without being everyone's favorite person. You can be firm, fair, and compassionate all at the same time.
Recently, a friend called me looking for advice about a difficult employee who was struggling with this very issue. It got me thinking about how many leaders deal with the same thing.
Here's the reality: When you're responsible for leading a team, your job isn't to make everyone happy. Your job is to help the organization succeed.
That means understanding something important about leadership alignment. The CEO establishes the organization's direction. Every department has a responsibility to understand that direction and determine how its people, priorities, and resources will contribute to making it happen.
That doesn't mean leaders should blindly agree with every decision or stop asking questions. Healthy organizations need people who challenge assumptions and offer different perspectives. But once a direction is established, department leaders have a responsibility to align their teams and move the organization forward.
You can't have every department operating according to its own agenda. That's not alignment. That's a collection of individual kingdoms.
So, how do you get past the need to be everyone's friend and become the leader your organization needs?
- Stop measuring your leadership by how many people like you.
Popularity is a terrible performance metric for leaders. If your primary concern is whether people like your decisions, you'll avoid making the decisions that need to be made.
Instead, measure your leadership by whether your team is growing, performing, communicating, and contributing at the highest level to the organization's mission.
- Understand the difference between being liked and being respected.
You can have wonderful relationships with your employees and still hold them accountable. In fact, the best working relationships often include honest conversations, clear expectations, and mutual respect. One of my former teammates called me, “a hardass with a heart.” I actually liked that assessment. I’m not going to settle for good enough. If I did, I couldn’t call myself a real leader and I wouldn’t be helping people reach their potential. Helping people do that is my favorite part of leadership. I’ve helped them achieve things they didn’t think were possible and that’s incredibly rewarding.
Don't confuse kindness with avoiding conflict. Allowing poor performance, negativity, or behavior that undermines the team to continue isn't being nice. It's unfair to the people who are doing their jobs well.
- Align your department with the organization's direction.
This one is especially important for department heads and middle managers. Your responsibility isn't to create a separate agenda that makes your department look good. It's to understand where the organization is going and help your people contribute to getting there.
You may not agree with every decision made in the executive suite. But once decisions are made, your job is to communicate the direction, explain how your department contributes, and help your team move forward. Not complain to your team about the boss.
- Have the courage to have an uncomfortable conversation. It’s your job as a leader.
Sometimes leadership means telling someone what they don't want to hear. Don't wait until a small problem becomes a big one because you're worried about them not liking you.
Be direct. Be respectful. Be prepared to listen. Remember that avoiding a difficult conversation doesn't make the problem disappear. It simply allows it to grow.
I'm grateful I learned leadership wasn’t a popularity contest early in my career. I never would have been able to lead an entire organization, if I hadn’t.