Fixers Anonymous: Not Every Problem is Yours to Solve
May 10, 2026
Last week, I was at the annual PBS conference. It’s been a year since I was with my amazing colleagues from across the country who have navigated big challenges this year. It did my soul good to be with colleagues. One incredibly special evening I got to attend a taping of Austin City Limits. Thank you for the tickets, Luis. That Carlos Vives concert was the epitome of pure joy, something we all needed. However, it wasn’t just the concert that I loved; it was several hours leading up to it when I got to reconnect with my dear friend Lori. Somewhere nestled between a variety of topics, we stumbled into a discussion that felt way too familiar.
We both admitted we suffer from the same condition.
I’m calling it: Fixology.
You know the symptoms.
Someone brings you a problem and before they’ve even finished the sentence, your brain is already building a solution.
You replay conversations in your head trying to “resolve” them.
You absorb tension in a room like it’s your personal assignment from the universe.
You feel responsible for making things better, smoother, calmer, happier, healthier, more productive… immediately.
Now listen, being a fixer is not all bad.
In fact, strong leaders are often exceptional problem-solvers. We’re wired to see possibilities, anticipate roadblocks, and help move people forward.
That’s a gift.
But if we’re not careful, that gift can quietly turn into exhaustion.
Because sometimes…
The problem isn’t ours to fix.
The Fixer Trap
Lori said something during our conversation that made me laugh because it was painfully accurate.
She said sometimes she literally has to count to 10… then 20… then 100… before she can stop herself from jumping in.
I felt that in my soul.
Because fixers struggle with one thing more than almost anything else:
Sitting in unresolved tension.
We want closure.
Resolution.
Movement.
Improvement.
Immediately.
When things stay messy, unclear, or emotionally uncomfortable, fixers often mistake that discomfort for responsibility.
That’s where we get into trouble.
Because leadership maturity is learning the difference between:
- being supportive
and - becoming responsible for outcomes that belong to someone else
Sometimes Helping Actually Hurts
This is the hard truth for people like us:
Sometimes fixing becomes interfering.
Sometimes rescuing prevents growth.
Sometimes stepping in too quickly robs people of the opportunity to:
- solve their own problem
- develop resilience
- take accountability
- or learn through discomfort
Honestly, sometimes people don’t actually want solutions. They want space to process. That one is particularly hard for the fixers reading this myself included.
So How Do You Know If It’s Yours to Fix?
Here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself lately.
1. Was I Asked to Help or Did I Volunteer Myself?
Fixers often assign themselves invisible jobs. I’m SOOO Guilty!
Just because you see the problem doesn’t automatically mean you own the solution.
Read that again please.
Sometimes awareness is not an assignment.
2. Am I Supporting Growth or Preventing Discomfort?
There’s a difference.
Strong leaders support people.
Over-functioning leaders rescue people. Guilty again.
If your involvement keeps someone from having to think, decide, communicate, or grow for themselves, you may be carrying something they need to learn to carry.
3. Is This Actually Within My Control?
This question alone can save fixers a tremendous amount of stress.
You cannot fix:
- another person’s attitude (believe me I’ve tried)
- someone else’s healing
- organizational dysfunction you don’t have authority to change
- or every conflict in the room
You can influence.
You can encourage.
You can lead well.
But not every outcome belongs to you or me.
Practical Strategies for Recovering Fixologists
Here are a few things Lori and I agreed people like us need to practice intentionally.
Pause Before Responding
Not every problem requires immediate action.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is wait before jumping in.
Count to 10 or 20 or apparently, in Lori’s case… 100. I admit to NOT being that patient most days. Lori YOU ROCK!
That pause creates space to ask: “Is this mine to solve?”
Replace Fixing with Curiosity
Instead of immediately offering solutions, try asking:
- “What do you think would help here?”
- “What outcome are you hoping for?”
- “Do you want advice or just someone to listen?”
That one question alone can prevent a lot of unnecessary emotional labor.
Stop Measuring Your Value by Your Usefulness
Careful...that one can preach.
Many fixers unconsciously tie their worth to being needed. Guilty again! And I do it many times without realizing it.
If we solve the problem, smooth the tension, save the day then we feel valuable. But healthy leadership is not built on constant rescue missions. Your value does not decrease because you allowed someone else to navigate their own challenge.
Let People Own Their Lessons
This one is hard because watching people struggle feels really painful for me. But growth usually comes through experience not intervention. Sometimes the most loving leadership move is standing beside someone without stepping in front of them.
I still think being a fixer has beautiful qualities.
Fixers care deeply.
We notice things.
We anticipate needs.
We want people to succeed.
The world needs thoughtful problem-solvers. But mature leadership also understands this:
Not every fire requires your bucket.
Sometimes leadership looks less like fixing everything and more like discerning what truly belongs to you.
I’m still learning that… one slow count to 100 at a time.